I've found at different times in my life that it is necessary to experience trials so that we can gain strength. These trials don't always come at the most convenient times. They don't come at the most expected times. But they come at the most necessary times. I, as everyone, have experienced a great many of these experiences, some of them big, some small. But the one thing I've come to really understand is the blessings that can be found through them. They are the meat for which our spirits are strengthened because they cause us to rely on our Savior. They help us to see that not only can we not endure them by ourselves, but we were never meant to. I'm finding a great deal of comfort in knowing this. I know that it isn't an empty faith and a wish that somebody will be there to pick us up and carry us through the roughest of our journey, but that they really are. I know this because it is a feeling of peace and a strength when all of my own have run out. When there is truly nothing left within myself and I know that I am completely in the hands of a loving Father that is just wanting to teach me what I need to learn with open arms all the while.
July 25th I was scheduled to have a colonoscopy due to bleeding in my bowels. There was a very large tumor found, which upon testing proved to be cancerous. At the time there was no more to tell other than that I had cancer. A very difficult thing to say, to digest, to accept. During the days of waiting for further testing so that we could know the extent, there were many things that were realized between my incredibly supportive and loving spouse and myself. For me it was a wake-up call. A realization that maybe the way I spend my time and what I focus on isn't always what it should be. That there is so much more that could be done and so many more important things to do, such as serving others. I looked around me and discovered the blessings that the Lord has been placing in my life all through the years. I discovered some things I already recognized, yet didn't realize to what depth I knew them. Things like how much I love my children. How important their welfare is to me and how badly I want to be a part of every moment of their successes and be there to hold them up when they fall. I discovered who I wanted to share my news with, such as those that mean the most to me besides my husband and my children, those wonderful best friends of mine that are my siblings, my mother, my father. All of these were the main concern of my thoughts bringing me much sorrow to think I might possibly not be able to enjoy them again as I have throughout the years. I began to realize how important it would be to adequately express my love to them and gratitude that they are such an influential part of me and the reasons I value the things I do.
In the past I have recognized that even though trials may be difficult, they are necessary in forming our character and helping us to become who the Lord knows we can be. I'm grateful for the wake-up call. It has shown me how much I love and value life on a whole.
I realized how well I have chosen my friends and who I choose to surround myself with every day. People who love the Savior and exemplify Him through their daily actions. I know this has been because of the influence of the Holy Ghost, the best friend of all.
